tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82195574797118372372024-03-20T18:56:24.987-07:00Grant Writes Good-gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8219557479711837237.post-70665469923593611552014-01-08T18:48:00.004-08:002014-01-08T18:50:30.361-08:00I’m off to Guam (seriously)<div class="head24">
The headline probably says enough, but to elaborate a little bit,
I’ve been hired as a sports writer for the Pacific Daily News, which is in
Hagatna, Guam.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
Guam is an island to the west of the middle of the Pacific Ocean,
about 30 miles long by 5 miles wide. It’s 7,500 miles away, 14 hours ahead of
Indiana and it’s summer 365 days per year. Somehow, that was a difficult
decision, but after listening to all my friends (and people I barely know) it
was also pretty easy.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
First, a little background:<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
When I graduated high school, I went straight to Grand Valley
State University where I majored in engineering. After about a semester, I
decided I didn’t want to be an engineer.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
For the next year and a half, I kept taking classes at GVSU but I
didn’t really know why. I didn’t have a declared major and I was just kind of
going through the motions, which didn’t work for me. I got Bs and Cs in classes
that I should have aced and I was
miserable.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
At the end of my second year, four semesters in, I decided I was
done with college until I figured out what I wanted to be there for. I couldn’t
put work into something unless I was passionate about it, and I did not care
about college at all.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
I decided I was just going to work a fun minimum-wage type job
and try to enjoy my life. Then I decided, if I’m just going to work, there is
no reason I had to be in Michigan to do it. So I moved to Hawaii*.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
(*) <i>I had been to Hawaii
before for vacation and always dreamt of living there, so it wasn’t completely
out of the blue.<o:p></o:p></i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="body">
I waited for the Tigers’ season to end and, with only a few days
notice, I hopped on a flight to Honolulu on Halloween. I had no job, no place
to live and no real plan. It was an adventure and it was the best decision I’ve
ever made.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
After a few weeks of living in a hostel, laying on the beach all
day and drinking with people from all over the world all afternoon, I got an
apartment a block from the ocean and a job as a chef. Hawaii is awesome.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
The chef thing was too stressful for the life I was living, so I
quit after a few months and got a job driving a ball picker at a driving range.
It was the best job I’ll ever have. From 4 p.m. to midnight, five days a week,
I cruised around outside on a sunny 86 degree day, listening to my iPod, and
got paid to toss barrels of golf balls around.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
There was no stress and I had all morning to lay on the beach
(which, again, was a block from my apartment*). It’s tough to live that far
away, knowing nobody and being disconnected from the Midwest culture, but it
was perfect for me.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
(*)<i>My apartment was also
next door to the zoo, which meant monkeys screaming all morning. That was less
great.</i><br />
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="body">
A little while after that, I realized I had a passion and a
reason to go back to college. I wanted to be a sports writer, and I wanted to
do it as soon as possible.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
For the next few years, the bio on my Facebook read:</div>
<div class="body">
“I quit school and moved to Hawaii. Then I foolishly quit Hawaii
and went back to school.”<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
I went back to GVSU, reestablished my friendships, embraced being
in college, got a couple jobs to pay for it and finished my journalism degree
as fast as I could. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
It’s not an easy career to find work, but I eventually got hired
by the <i>Banner Graphic</i>, became sports editor and started to love the community. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
When I saw the Guam job become available, I was a was a bit hesitant
but I saw it as a chance to do something I loved in an environment I knew I would
love. Guam is similar to Hawaii, culturally and climatologically. <br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
So I applied, had a couple phone interviews and eventually got
hired.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
It’d not perfect time. I would have preferred the school year
finished up so I could follow all the teams and athletes through the spring.
There are many, many upcoming teams I’m going to miss and many other
opportunities that I’m giving up, but there are a lot of other opportunities
moving to a new job opens up for me.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
I’ve loved my time in Putnam County and I can’t imagine ever
living in a community where I feel as welcomed by the people. Putnam County is
a great place to live and a great place to work, but for me, and for Miley
Cyrus,<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="body">
“There’s always gonna be another mountain. I’m always gonna want
to make it move. It’s always gonna be an uphill battle. Sometimes I’m gonna
have to lose. Ain’t about how fast I get there. Ain’t about what’s waiting on
the other side.</div>
<div class="body">
“It’s the climb.”</div>
<div class="body">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="body">
p.s. If anyone ever wants to come visit me in Guam, you’ve got a
free place to stay. Seriously, come visit. It’s paradise there.</div>
-gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8219557479711837237.post-79234343658985226912013-12-13T13:48:00.002-08:002013-12-13T13:54:16.025-08:00How to be awesome at your job<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWvy7zha0fy2TYq1tlS4rRxSNVyE06vVWLLp-7ZFBKW8zgvwQah4JtWsheskmMpdm7_e7b3YVYlUrlohwnnD1pQ-GYjAqMXCl6BU8o3Y_hax8KVAw7kwUh-W_NZWIanq8jTpYU7xd1haVY/s1600/2013-12-13+13.58.08.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWvy7zha0fy2TYq1tlS4rRxSNVyE06vVWLLp-7ZFBKW8zgvwQah4JtWsheskmMpdm7_e7b3YVYlUrlohwnnD1pQ-GYjAqMXCl6BU8o3Y_hax8KVAw7kwUh-W_NZWIanq8jTpYU7xd1haVY/s400/2013-12-13+13.58.08.jpg" /></a></div>
Specifically, this is about how to be an awesome barista at Starbucks, but the ideas can mostly be applied to everything else.
<br>
<br>
<b>1. Be nice and smile
</b><br>I'm sure there are plenty of studies and facts and science behind this, but my anecdotal evidence is plenty enough proof for me. People who smile more are more likeable. In every group, club, team or conglomeration, the person I inevitably like best is the one who smiles the most. Some people aren't natural smilers (I'm not). For those people (me), smiling is <i>part of the job</i>. You're getting paid to do lots of things, but mostly you're getting paid to serve people, and they take more notice when it's service with a smile.
<br>
<br>
<b>2. Accept what you're doing and make the best of it
</b><br>
In my service-job days (which are numerous and plentiful and extensive), I considered it the totality of my job to (1) Stand and (2) Do things other than what I'd do if I weren't getting paid. Had I not been working on a particular day at Jimmy John's or Subway or BD's Mongolian Grill (or Quizno's or Papa John's or California Pizza Kitchen or ...) I'd most-likely have been sitting somewhere and watching a movie, listening to music or working out. With a few exceptions (being abused by coworkers or customers, doing something inhumane, et al), nothing else at work mattered. I was being paid to do varying degrees of things I didn't want to do. <br><br>
There's no point in complaining. If you don't like your coworkers or customers, quit and work in a different (though probably mostly the same) service job. If you like those things, then appreciate that you could be doing the same thing at a place you find more unpleasant.<br><br>
<b>3. Treat everyone like your friend
</b><br>
I'm not a particularly outgoing person. I'm not awkwardly shy and I don't get nervous in crowds, but when I'm not working, I mostly prefer to be left alone. It's been that way my whole life. So when I behave outgoing, I'm mostly pretending to behave the way I think an outgoing person should.
<br>
Part of that faking that I've learned (through many years of practice) is that if I just treat strangers like friends, they start to think of me as friendly. Friendly people are fun to be around. If people have fun being around you, they're nicer to you and they smile more. Plus, if they find you friendly, they'll come back. Then you get returning customers who are pleasant. I never much cared about having returning customers, but I did care about having nice customers. So if I knew a returning customer would be pleasant and did not know anything about the mentality customers I'd never met before, I always chose the returning ones.<br><br>
<b>4. Learn peoples names
</b><br>Many of the people at Starbucks now know my name. It's awesome. They say "hi" to me when I walk in. They write fun messages on my cup.
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtTJM6jfE6EKjZzNgbweSI1DyIF-C4xTE6qe4SvfYfn6RbQuctPsxmXKwuFCs6p9M1rZ4F1CQRGaekrR67KQPSzjmFEISguVklYVU2Rh0BdRuH5IGKVK5pJT2kvynvUEMl7OfeOQxqrQ_i/s1600/2013-12-11+22.24.40.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtTJM6jfE6EKjZzNgbweSI1DyIF-C4xTE6qe4SvfYfn6RbQuctPsxmXKwuFCs6p9M1rZ4F1CQRGaekrR67KQPSzjmFEISguVklYVU2Rh0BdRuH5IGKVK5pJT2kvynvUEMl7OfeOQxqrQ_i/s400/2013-12-11+22.24.40.jpg" /></a></div>
Other people do not know my name. It's a hassle with little upside for me to try to eloquently pronounce my name, then repeat it, and say it loud, and repeat it again. I don't really care if they spell my name write on my cup as long as they make my drink. But that attitude turns buying my hot chocolate into a utilitarian process instead of a pleasant process.
<br>
<br>
And that's all I have time for. But maybe I'll add more stuff later. -gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8219557479711837237.post-25122385157480614842013-11-23T08:13:00.001-08:002013-11-23T08:15:43.052-08:00Things I want to watch tonight: 2013 Putnam County Girls' Basketball Tournament finalsGonna see how this works. There isn't really a format on the <a href="http://bannergraphic.com/" target="_blank">bannergraphic.com</a> site for this type of thing.<br />
<br />
Here's what I'm hoping to see at the final night of the Putnam County Girls' Basketball Tournament:<br />
<br />
From Greencastle: 10+ rebounds from Jess Lenihan. Whites combined for like 21 rebounds yesterday and they're gonna be aggressive again today. Want her more aggressive.<br />
From Cloverdale: Attack attack attack. Both ends getting aggressive. Draw fouls like it's your job and anticipate some steals.<br />
From North Putnam: More movement and ball reversals. No more standing around calling for the ball. Don't be a ball stopper. Get it and move it.<br />
From South Putnam: Better passing out of the post. Forwards are good passers but they've been turning and shooting. It's not horrible. They're always open. But they'll also be open after a guard makes a rim-run, too.-gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8219557479711837237.post-78567726551335150852012-08-26T14:57:00.001-07:002012-08-26T14:57:28.089-07:00Draft Board in Tiers<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRyk6bhPHySuMFfJxduCnRNNDdfUw9Av46jFmJcmGnRF9Ga_HKBiXeUuIt9F9Y7x7Mrk0MV8nYnRMr2prZx1fP4FYXRKcC0kgbTr2Afo5WHyTbYzl61tqz6RqZRAUDRvwzsHGtGLKYVrnt/s1600/draft+tiers.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRyk6bhPHySuMFfJxduCnRNNDdfUw9Av46jFmJcmGnRF9Ga_HKBiXeUuIt9F9Y7x7Mrk0MV8nYnRMr2prZx1fP4FYXRKcC0kgbTr2Afo5WHyTbYzl61tqz6RqZRAUDRvwzsHGtGLKYVrnt/s1600/draft+tiers.png" /></a></div>
-gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8219557479711837237.post-44023410215134441552012-08-12T19:45:00.000-07:002012-08-15T22:39:14.690-07:00Rough Draft -- 2012 Quarterbacks 1.0<em>In part one of my preseason rankings, I'll be grading the quarterbacks 1-37. I stopped at 37 because that is the number of quarterbacks that are borderline, depending on how horrible your circumstances are, draftable. Don't draft the terrible quarterbacks. You'll also notice occasional lines and pictures. Those represent a new tier. Guys in the same tier are mostly interchangeable, and could be slid up and down based on personal preference. This board is subject to change. I'll do a final one some time right before the draft.</em>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz2Z19MdkvRHRdlEN8dYdgKqNSrJ-1_-yRiYcCaD6MUslYBxjk0vzLL78hJfFjGxAgMnk613yhS7wKvwNc1HOHum441mvXEBkS-6FGanziArBUMoxFY5LG7psKay3orOQ5s9S65o1hJOiP/s1600/Brandon+Lloyd+New+Orleans+Saints+v+New+England+UAGvPTLQpJsl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz2Z19MdkvRHRdlEN8dYdgKqNSrJ-1_-yRiYcCaD6MUslYBxjk0vzLL78hJfFjGxAgMnk613yhS7wKvwNc1HOHum441mvXEBkS-6FGanziArBUMoxFY5LG7psKay3orOQ5s9S65o1hJOiP/s400/Brandon+Lloyd+New+Orleans+Saints+v+New+England+UAGvPTLQpJsl.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Tom Brady maybe be the first pick in the draft, and he may have a new deep threat, but he's not impressed.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">1. </span><b>Tom Brady</b>, NE – He was very good last year, culminating in <s>a Super Bowl</s> loss fantasy championship-clinching week 17 performance. But he will be even better this year. The team brings back Josh McDaniels as offensive coordinator, replacing no one -- the job was vacant the last two years, with duties split between a couple position coaches. More importantly, McDaniels brings with him Brandon Lloyd, a deep threat who two years ago (2010) was the best fantasy wide receiver (the best). More importantly, Brady is awesome every year.<br />
- My outrageous projection for his stats: 5,400 yards, 46 TDs, 7 Ints, 68% completion, 23 sacks <br />
- Likelihood of playing in week 17: 80%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">2. </span><b>Aaron Rodgers</b>, GB – No one who has ever drafted him has been disappointed. They bring everyone back on an offense (except terrible Ryan Grant) that was fantastic and carried Ole Man to a <em>regular season</em> title.
MOP: 4,700 yards, 41 TDs, 13 Ints, 72%, 34 sacks, 2 rushing TDs
LOP 17: 49%
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">3. </span><b>Drew Brees</b>, NO – Last year’s leading scorer, and by A LOT – he scored 110 more points than Rodgers. You know what else was 110 points last year? Chris Johnson’s <b>total</b>. He plays in a deceptively tough division, so if you think the Saints are going to be playoff contenders, you think he’ll play in week 17. So why isn’t he my No. 1? Because Sean Payton is gone, and because when Payton was injured and stuck in the coaching booth last year, Brees threw 6 of his 14 picks. I also think the Saints are going to be in for a bumpy season. He’ll have plenty of great games, but he’ll also have plenty of Garrards*.<br />
- MOP: 5,100 yards, 37 TDs, 18 Ints, 66%, 31 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 90%. I think the Saints are going to relatively stink and win 7 or 8 games, but why not let him play?<br />
(* a Garrard is a game where the quarterback scores between 12-15 points. Won’t help you, but won’t really hurt you either)
<br />
___<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZACORzgwh-BKDv7OgT4KQY3TgR5Fhcpoj-DE6nsZkKn0A5SJj37_jh2Z6ZvMYDiHFCkJXe_986C4KRoQ12cuKN-X9hPrOCjPRETkrhAyHsewrLqLdZk6h7aZD3Urt8Laps6eE2hw1eyS1/s1600/david-garrard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZACORzgwh-BKDv7OgT4KQY3TgR5Fhcpoj-DE6nsZkKn0A5SJj37_jh2Z6ZvMYDiHFCkJXe_986C4KRoQ12cuKN-X9hPrOCjPRETkrhAyHsewrLqLdZk6h7aZD3Urt8Laps6eE2hw1eyS1/s320/david-garrard.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sorry you've already gotten hurt, David, but I've got good news. I've named a stat after you.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-size: large;">4. </span><b>Matt Stafford</b>, DET – I assume he’ll be healthy. The defense is going to continue to suck. The offense added weapons (Ryan Broyles, Patrick Edwards). The running game is going to continue to not exist. What’s not to like? The only reason I don’t have him ahead of Brees is that he’s only done it once. Plus he’s got Calvin.<br />
- MOP: 5,200 yards, 48 TDs, 12 Ints, 64%, 41 sacks (I know these add up to more than Brees. Maybe he will try to kick an extra point and miss?)<br />
- LOP17: 90%. Even if they’re out of the playoffs, it’s not like they need to see what they’ve got in a young guy.
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">5. </span><b>Philip Rivers</b> – He was terrible last year! He threw 20 interceptions! His best receiver left and ran away to Tampa Bay! Stay away! Especially if you’re drafting ahead of me. ‘Cause he didn’t <em>really</em> suck last year. He sucked in the first half last year, but only cause he threw a ton of picks. He finished ninth in points, and only about 1.5/week from finishing sixth, which is one spot below where I have him ranked. In 2010 he had a career-year. 4,700 yards, 30 TDs. Last year he sucked and had 4,600 yards and 27 TDs. He threw more passes last year and was sacked fewer times. Remember Vincent Jackson sitting out most of 2010 because he’s a <s>greedy asshole</s> injured piece of trash who loves money and losing? He’s finally gone, so now Rivers can focus on what he does best – giving the ball to Gates and a random tiny fast guy (This year: Eddie Royal)<br />
- MOP: 5,200 yards, 33 TDs, 9 Ints, 68%, 33 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 95%. They are going to have a chance to win the division, like they always do.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">6. </span><b>Matt Ryan</b> – I ain’t lyin’, I love me some Matt Ryan. I hated him when he was drafted (lousy smug Boston College bourgeois prick). I hated him when the first play of his career was an 80 yard touchdown pass to <s>Michael Jenkins</s> some Ohio State bastard against the Lions. Well, I’ve come around. After he sucked in his second year, he has gotten better each season. He’s missed two games in the NFL, none since 2009. He finished last year eighth in points. He has two of the top 12 wide receivers in the league. But that’s not why I love him.
The Falcons added offensive coordinator Dirk Koetter in the offseason. You might remember him from such teams as: Boise State when they first started being good ten years ago; Arizona State that year they weren’t terrible; Jacksonville that year David Garrard was sort of good; and Jacksonville that year Mike Sims-Walker and Mike Thomas were sort of good.<br />
- MOP: 4,600 yards, 38 TDs, 11 Ints, 63%, 25 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 51%. I think they have the division locked up early. I think they’re good.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">7. </span><b>Tony Romo</b>, – With all the talk about Cam Newton being amazing and Romo being a chocking piece of shit, nobody (read: possibly just me) seemed to notice that Romo finished ahead of Newton last year. He was fifth (FIFTH!) in points. He’s always good, so he’s boring. Plus he’s extremely unlikeable. But you can win the league with Romo as your QB1, and winning the league is, or should be, the goal of every team. Yes, they lost Laurent Robinson and replaced him with something named “Danny Coale,” but so what. The name on the back of his receivers jersey doesn’t ever seem to matter to him. Romo didn’t panic when the Cowboys cut former first-round pick Roy Williams, and he’s not panicking now. Plus, for the first time since he’s been the starter, the Cowboys are the LEAST talked about team in their division. Nobody thrives under vacuousness more than Romo.<br />
- MOP: 4,400 yards, 33 TDs, 6 Ints, 65%, 41 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 88%.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSN49pdyRkwicOADpwl89B6gP_9x03bjmBfGP8j8OhhyphenhyphenRg_0eZ13dZpihQ9XI67IcVzbcDg4ePU788_CRt0QYpVOzHZM1rsu697AOJQInBv7U-9SqFQgHaqOjn8rBN8ZebqHb_VoUpojEg/s1600/220px-Tony_Romo_before_2008_Pro_Bowl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSN49pdyRkwicOADpwl89B6gP_9x03bjmBfGP8j8OhhyphenhyphenRg_0eZ13dZpihQ9XI67IcVzbcDg4ePU788_CRt0QYpVOzHZM1rsu697AOJQInBv7U-9SqFQgHaqOjn8rBN8ZebqHb_VoUpojEg/s320/220px-Tony_Romo_before_2008_Pro_Bowl.jpg" width="217" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This whole season will be one, giant Pro Bowl for Tony Romo</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
___<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">8. </span><b>Mike Vick</b>, PHI – I hate the idea of having him on my team, but you know what I hate even more? When television announcers toss around hyperbole. But you know what I hate less than that, but which also pertains to this fantasy football situation? The idea of having Nick Foles* on my team.<br />
- MOP: 3,100 yards (11 games) 24 TDs, 11 Ints, 61%, 27 sacks, 3 rushing tds, 350 rush yds.<br />
- LOP 17: If he’s healthy? 90%. In general? 60%
(* Mike Kafka broke his hand the other day because he sucks.)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">9. </span><b>Cam Newton</b>, CAR – Cam’s first 8 games: 2,393, 11 TDs, 9 Ints, 60.6%, 7 rushing TDs. Cam’s last 8 games: 1,658, 10 TDs, 8 Ints, 59%, 7 rushing TDs. Still pretty good, but not outrageous. They didn’t add any weapons and Steve Smith is now a year older.<br />
- MOP: 3,900 yds, 26 TDs, 15 Ints, 62%, 43 sacks, 9 rushing TDs, 550 rush yards<br />
- LOP 17: 95%<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9Lh4AKMRBXPMIXbT-gYY9Cq-L_JkbUuuZdvxpYkO_0aigtJGZwXSx5SH55sw5_1VmF726djsmyepAYzVbHoQ7D8Q5oOdnQK2Ni1ecajEvuxBiyyf2P08GN2U2ZVv-ZjkKRjPr46tRcDU/s1600/mike-vick-hand-injury.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="242" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV9Lh4AKMRBXPMIXbT-gYY9Cq-L_JkbUuuZdvxpYkO_0aigtJGZwXSx5SH55sw5_1VmF726djsmyepAYzVbHoQ7D8Q5oOdnQK2Ni1ecajEvuxBiyyf2P08GN2U2ZVv-ZjkKRjPr46tRcDU/s320/mike-vick-hand-injury.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Poor, dog-killing Michael. Always getting hurt.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
___<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">10.</span> <b>Josh Freeman</b>, TB – Known in the past for his ability to give you a solid Freeman* every week, I believe Josh will take a step up this year and become a very solid Schaub**. So why is he so much higher than, say, Schaub? Well, 1) he is a big, tough, strong, supple guy who rarely gets hurt 2) he has a new coach. The entire team quit on the coach last year and Freeman (12th overall last year) struggled to adjust. 3) Chamionship Pedigree. He’s been the QB2 for each of the last two championships. If anyone knows how to lead a fantasy team in week 17, is Josh. He’s been there, and he’ll have the respect in the locker room.
<br />
- MOP: 3,800 yards, 28 TDs, 10 Ints, 62%, 28 sacks, 2 rushing TDs, 250 rush yards<br />
- LOP 17: 95%<br />
(* A rich man’s Garrard, a Freeman is between 15-18 points)<br />
(** 18-21)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">11.</span> <b>Ryan Fitzpatrick</b>, BUF – Finished last year in the top 10, despite falling apart in the second half due to an injury. He might very well be healthy now. He also gets to play the terrible Pats defense twice, the (possibly) worse Jets defense twice and he went to Harvard.<br />
- MOP: 4,100 yards, 29 TDs, 19 Ints, 64%, 27 sacks<br />
- LOP: 95%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">12.</span> <b>Peyton Manning</b>, DEN – Not the guy you want to pair with Vick. I have no faith in him to play all 16 games. He has no deep ball, which means you’re basically hoping for a rich-man’s Chad Pennington season. Still, he’s Peyton. When he plays, he’ll play smart, he’ll complete a lot of passes, he won’t get sacked and he won’t throw pics.<br />
- MOP: (assuming 16 games) 3,900 yards, 32 TDs, 13 Ints, 71%, 20 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 40%
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">13.</span> <b>Eli Manning</b>, NYG – He was fantastic last year. 4,900 yards, Super Bowl all that other stuff. But the Giants are a running team. They drafted a new back in the first round who will replace the terrible, washed-up slob they had last year, Brandon Jacobs. The rest of the division is tough and improving.<br />
- MOP: 4,200 yards, 25 TDs, 19 Ints, 64%, 26 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 99%.<br />
___<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJU7y-qzF62FQ05r_5Q4DnTjQDaz40NUqRoqYHGuHZRXeYLxZd3YvlStQysX4zPYlxnLMx_r7Ov1fPqeofqKtQ8IYc_JPnXjKFHhFkO9Db0oITB5qvEzf_ezulIJblsR1SIljmEYDmV6Ua/s1600/4bb9c4c3967395169b1365d5b703c35e.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJU7y-qzF62FQ05r_5Q4DnTjQDaz40NUqRoqYHGuHZRXeYLxZd3YvlStQysX4zPYlxnLMx_r7Ov1fPqeofqKtQ8IYc_JPnXjKFHhFkO9Db0oITB5qvEzf_ezulIJblsR1SIljmEYDmV6Ua/s320/4bb9c4c3967395169b1365d5b703c35e.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who's that above you? Some bearded dude from Harvard?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">14.</span> <b>Andrew Luck</b>, IND – He’s the most NFL-ready QB to ever come in to the league, and he’s coming into a league that is the most pass-friendly that it’s ever been. He might not put up more points than Cam did last year, but he’ll be a better passer and he’s got more weapons.
MOP: 4,300 yards, 27 TDs, 23 Ints, 61%, 52 sacks, 4 rushing TDs, 250 rush yards
LOP 17: 90%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">15.</span> <b>Ben Roethlisberger</b>, PIT – He was 11th last year, and they’re now without Mendenhall for the foreseeable future. I’ve seen Ike Redman play, I’ve had Ike Redman on my team. Ike Redman sucks, and the Steelers know it. Ben will air it out like he did in his Red Hawks days. They even drafted more offensive linemen for him. But still I drop him. Mike Wallace is holding out, which means he will strain his hamstring and miss time. Ben’s got a “small tear” in his rotator cuff. He might be good, but in fantasy football, if you aren’t improving, you’re getting worse.<br />
- MOP: 4,200 yards, 28 TDs, 14 Ints, 65%, 38 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 70%
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">16.</span> <b>Robert Griffin the Third</b>, WAS – He’s really, really fast. More importantly, he is neither Rex Grossman, Donovan McNabb nor John Beck. Interesting thing about Grossman, McNabb and Beck, though. Last year they combined for 4,050 yards and 19 TDs. In 2009 it was 4,250 yards and 21 TDs. The Washington Racial Slurs drafted RG3 to be the quarterback, which means they must think he’s better than those guys. Having seen Rex and Donovan and Beck play, I agree.<br />
- MOP: 4,100 yards, 24 TDs, 25 Ints, 58%, 44 sacks, 7 rushing TDs, 400 rush yards<br />
- LOP 17: 90%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">17.</span> <b>Carson Palmer</b>, OAK – Probably low for him. If you throw out his first two games last year, which is what I’m conveniently going to do here, you wind up with 8 games. That is roughly half of an NFL season. In that half of an NFL season (the second half, in this case), Palmer threw for 2,300 yards, 10 TDs, 10 Ints, 63%. That’s not bad, if by not bad you mean, “the best 8 game stretch he has had since his knee exploded.” And that’s exactly what I mean.<br />
- MOP: 4,500 yards, 25 TDs, 18 Ints, 65%, 30 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 85%
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">18.</span> <b>Matt Schaub</b>, HOU – Boy, is he ever good when he plays (20 ppg last year). Sort of. All his passing weapons are gone. Well, not gone so much as washed-up shells of their former selves. Plus he has only stayed healthy for a full season twice. Plus they run a lot. Plus his team will win the division with ease, so even if he is healthy, he’s probably not playing week 17, so he’ll kill you in the finals.<br />
- MOP: (12 games) 2,900 yards, 19 TDs, 10 Ints, 64%, 25 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 25%<br />
___<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX2dfNjpYjlYYtybQCZ690Q3bINsPiJ5jTZDCUhx3FNYAYn-kqVaihxCZnjDmkV80zL8o30EJqfs4UUS99DlcW61tlLebVn8bjv0bK8FHHfh7GiiZV28WdYzRqb3EQ0RWL7Uof6WjscwVM/s1600/120809.31.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX2dfNjpYjlYYtybQCZ690Q3bINsPiJ5jTZDCUhx3FNYAYn-kqVaihxCZnjDmkV80zL8o30EJqfs4UUS99DlcW61tlLebVn8bjv0bK8FHHfh7GiiZV28WdYzRqb3EQ0RWL7Uof6WjscwVM/s1600/120809.31.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">RG3 is extremely happy to be a third round pick as a rookie</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">19.</span> <b>Andy Dalton</b>, CIN – I actually really like him. I moved him up from 23 and I wish I could move him higher. He was 16 last year. He’s bound to get better. AJ Green is a stud. I’m sick of writing about a guy on the Bengals. A full season of Palmer and Schaub, plus the rookies are now ahead of him. I’m fine with that. I’m also fine with having him available to me in the fourth round.<br />
- MOP: 3,500 yards, 24 TDs, 11 Ints, 60%, 22 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 95%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">20.</span> <b>Matt Flynn</b>, SEA – He could be dynamite. He also could be Kolb. He also could be on the bench watch Tarvaris be Tarvaris. I guess my point is, if you draft Flynn, you better have a good third quarterback.<br />
- MOP: 3,800 yards, 25 TDs, 14 Ints, 63%, 34 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: Assuming he’s actually the starter? 95% They’ll be in the playoff hunt.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">21.</span> <b>Matt Hasselbeck</b>, TEN – He is boring and bald and a placeholder and he finished 13th in points last year. If they don’t stay in the wildcard chase, he will get replaced by Jake Locker, probably around the time of the Titans week 11 bye. That is a seriously late bye week. He will seriously help you win games until then.<br />
- MOP: (10 games) 2,600 yards, 15 TDs, 11 Ints, 61%, 15 sacks<br />
- LOP17: 5%.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">22.</span> <b>Joe Flacco</b>, BAL – One of these years he’s gonna be good. He has to be. Luckily for me, he won’t be on my team when that happens. His stats for the past three years have been basically identical. I have no reason to think anything will change this year.<br />
- MOP: 3,600 yards, 23 TDs, 12 Ints, 62%, 35 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 99%<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIQgEiHqU8guC6XhGAHe-CEAANi-lhkRJXKb6amk4U2ho2AMcmH77T-CK6i1n4kKL4rCjx-o6iAxFpB-S9kx73HRO9W8Tb1yBdF_fIzIWhJetZzvOOvA4PZfrLyYga3zNYRLOduyihMQHc/s1600/ph2008120103228.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIQgEiHqU8guC6XhGAHe-CEAANi-lhkRJXKb6amk4U2ho2AMcmH77T-CK6i1n4kKL4rCjx-o6iAxFpB-S9kx73HRO9W8Tb1yBdF_fIzIWhJetZzvOOvA4PZfrLyYga3zNYRLOduyihMQHc/s320/ph2008120103228.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't want to draft you, either. But somebody has to.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
___<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">23.</span> <b>Ryan Tannehill</b>, MIA – He might not even start week one, but if you draft Matt Moore or David Garrard, they aren’t starting for your fantasy team in week one either. Nor in week two, nor three, nor four. By the time teams start having a bye week, the Dolphins will have turned to Tannehill, if he’s not starting from week one. I don’t love him, but as a QB3, you just need someone to get you through your two bye weeks. According the HBO, he has been amazing in training camp and he might very well be able to do that.<br />
- MOP: 3,300 yards, 15 TDs, 20 Ints, 57%, 43 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 90%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">24.</span> <b>Matt Cassell</b>, KC – They’re getting Jamal Charles back. They also have Peyton Hillis. They love to run. Cassell isn’t good enough to give them any reason to pass.<br />
- MOP: 3,000 yards, 22 TDs, 14 Ints, 57%, 34 sacks<br />
- LOP: 80%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">25.</span> <b>Alex Smith</b>, SF – I know they added a few receivers for him, but I don’t know why they would let him pass any more than last year. They added a few running backs (LaMichael James, Terrible, Washed-Up Slob Brandon Jacobs), too. His value comes from not making mistakes, which means his value is in not hurting you. Unless he is terrible, which is very possible. If he sucks, which his career has seemed to show that he will, Harbough won’t hesitate to put Colin Kaepernick in. Smith won’t win you any games, but he might be OK in a bye week.<br />
- MOP: 3,200 yards, 16 TDs, 10 Ints, 60%, 40 sacks<br />
- LOP: 75%<br />
___<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeaLJuuIv8HqjMZYXBAn8xW5sq8SI-qyrmyJNq06sIi41QKcjE2f_jkqPeL0-oOMLcGe4-2l3xpCpg-M_kxsPHKsr9lUjfDF_VPLO5p0Z0Fr_bctzUSnh9zvB6bMby_UwFAO3oIcNFCIHI/s1600/0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeaLJuuIv8HqjMZYXBAn8xW5sq8SI-qyrmyJNq06sIi41QKcjE2f_jkqPeL0-oOMLcGe4-2l3xpCpg-M_kxsPHKsr9lUjfDF_VPLO5p0Z0Fr_bctzUSnh9zvB6bMby_UwFAO3oIcNFCIHI/s320/0.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mrs. Dolphins Starting Quarterback</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">26.</span> <b>Sam Bradford</b> – It was awesome when Shawn drafted him too high last year so I didn’t get a chance to. He was terrible. He narrowly avoided finishing the season negative, which would have put him in a club with JaMarcus Russell and Derek Anderson. But he’s young and I have high hopes for him still. They added some weapons, and the upgrade from Steve Spagnoulo to Jeff Fisher is about the same as the upgrade from banging a prostitute addicted to meth* to banging supermodel Karlie Kloss. Sure, you’ll probably have a few venereal diseases that will haunt you for the rest of your life, which will mean Karlie will force you into years of wearing a condom until finally she trusts you enough to inherit the venereal diseases from you and raise a small family of venereal-diseased children, but still. At least you’re not banging a meth-addict hooker with rotten teeth anymore. I think that’s really the best thing you can say about Sam Bradford.<br />
- MOP: 3,100 yards, 18 TDs, 19 Ints, 59%, 40 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 90%<br />
<br />
<br />
(* Before Sam Bradford started banging supermodel Karlie Kloss, he used to bang someone named Kelsey Kurtz. I have no reason to believe Kelsey Kurtz did meth and/or was/is a prostitute. She probably does have an STD, but she almost certainly got it from banging Bradford, and not the other way around. She’s actually quite striking. Here, <a href="http://bleacherreport.com/articles/391523-the-top-25-quartebacks-wives-and-girlfriends/page/11%E2%80%9D" target="”_blank”">look</a>. She seems like a good, wholesome girl. She’s got a <a href="http://pinterest.com/kelsmarie/?d%E2%80%9D" target="”_blank”">Pintrest</a> and everything. Still, she is not a supermodel. Although I guess it’s probably more likely that the supermodel is addicted to methamphetamines. Fisher is a good coach though. And he likes to run, so Bradford won’t pass. That was my point.)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">27.</span> <b>John Skelton</b>, ARI, <span style="font-size: large;">28.</span> <b>Kevin Kolb</b>, ARI – They both suck. Kolb will get the first opportunity to suck, then when he gets through sucking, it will be Skelton’s turn to suck. It’s possible they might then give Kolb another chance to suck. I sort of think Skelton sucks less, but Kolb is getting paid more money to suck. Have a fourth quarterback.<br />
- MOP: (8 games each. This is the combined total) 4,000 yards, 24 TDs, 24 Ints, 57%, 60 sacks<br />
- LOP: 90% (yes, that mean’s I believe there is a 10% chance neither is playing at the end of the year.)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">29.</span> <b>Brandon Weeden</b>, CLE – It’s not that I’m opposed to 29-year-old rookie quarterbacks. I AM opposed to 29-year-old rookie quarterbacks, but that isn’t why I have the fairly talented Brandon Weeden this low. No, I’m opposed to 29-year-old rookie quarterbacks that have to play for the Cleveland Browns and throw the receivers that Cleveland Browns have. Spoiler alert for my wide receiver big board: the Browns receivers are bad, and I won’t be drafting them.<br />
- MOP: 2,600 yards, 12 TDs, 15 Ints, 55%, 47 sacks<br />
- LOP: 80% ( I question his ability to stay healthy being that he’s 29 and on the Browns)<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQOKGsjzz0gPXEmvK6rCy_w5bJ6vP_RLiX3V-G1Oh0PynVX9dkNuPye24p02rglecfQjeeLNTHs8ZtQVhzb5UD43kS56fGcS2xhWwOgley-f3MxMUZLdc1m9iTuN5K2wajWeI567CIDWH6/s1600/Karlie+Kloss.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQOKGsjzz0gPXEmvK6rCy_w5bJ6vP_RLiX3V-G1Oh0PynVX9dkNuPye24p02rglecfQjeeLNTHs8ZtQVhzb5UD43kS56fGcS2xhWwOgley-f3MxMUZLdc1m9iTuN5K2wajWeI567CIDWH6/s320/Karlie+Kloss.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Meet Karlie Kloss, Sam Bradford's main squeeze. At least he won't make you sit around and watch football with him every Sunday.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
___<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">30.</span> <b>Timothy Richard Tebow</b>, NYJ – Winner in real football, loser in fantasy football. I expect him to take over early (See 34. Mark Sanchez), put up terrible numbers win a few miraculous games, then get killed by the New York media and his teammates, start sobbing in a postgame interview because his feelings are hurt, crying, “I just want to be nice to everyone why can’t you guys just all leave me alone!” That sounds like a really bad experience for ones fantasy season.<br />
- MOP: 1,300 yards, 8 TDs, 7 Ints, 45%, 27 sacks, 7 rushing TDs, 600 rush yards<br />
- LOP: 85%<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">31.</span> <b>Jake Locker</b>, TEN – I’m pretty sure he’ll play at some point, and I have no reason to think he’ll be bad if he does. If he is named the starter before the draft, he has the same rank as Hasselbeck.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">32.</span> <b>Christian Ponder</b>, MIN – He was roughly twice as good as Blaine Gabbert last year. They did not add anything to their offense.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">33.</span> <b>Blaine Gabbert</b>, JAC – He averaged about 4.5 ppg last year. They changed offensive coordinators, drafted Justin Blackmon, then signed Laurent Robinson to be their No. 1 WR. It’s possible he could be useful, but that possibility is somewhere just below the draftable line.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">34.</span> <b>Mark Sanchez</b>, NYJ – Here is a list of quarterbacks that Sanchize outscored last year: Mike Vick, Andy Dalton, Alex Smith, Joe Flacco, Matt Schaub, Carson Palmer, <s>Jay Cutler</s> some guy on the Bears, Matt Cassell, Tim Tebow. Regardless, I think he will react poorly to <s>Jesus’</s> Tebow’s presence, get benched, sulk and submarine their season. I won’t be drafting any Jets.<br />
- MOP: (5 games) 1,200 yards, 8 TDs, 7 Ints, 56%, 13 sacks<br />
- LOP 17: 10% (the remaining 5% goes to Greg McIlroy: Winner)<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">35.</span> <b>Mike Kafka/Nick Folk</b>, PHI – Draft the Philadelphia backup if you either have Vick or are trying to piss off the guy who has Vick.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">36.</span> <b>Tarvaris Jackson</b>, SEA – Worth mentioning because it is possible that he’ll be their starter. If that should happen, pretend I have him at 23, just ahead of Matt Cassell.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">37.</span> <b>Chad Henne</b>, JAC – Probably not draftable, but if they start playing close games and Blaine Gabbert keeps blowing them like he did last year, Henne might get in. Plus he played at Michigan.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvwFk8gSW7X8udrwnBCDkjt-cias8j6dzD_tJa0XA4kKTa5S6-SmjkCaCuA17KydZHJmo1kHsGzg7GiKNsDs1S24vu65amcbVxyNaw7IqAYf6QHGEd6QOo1ishD7x1-xHU7RPsMBiikhnG/s1600/kolb-skelton-concussion-cardinals.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvwFk8gSW7X8udrwnBCDkjt-cias8j6dzD_tJa0XA4kKTa5S6-SmjkCaCuA17KydZHJmo1kHsGzg7GiKNsDs1S24vu65amcbVxyNaw7IqAYf6QHGEd6QOo1ishD7x1-xHU7RPsMBiikhnG/s320/kolb-skelton-concussion-cardinals.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thataway, fellas. Give 'em hell!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />-gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8219557479711837237.post-22880275150369118992012-02-25T23:31:00.000-08:002012-02-25T23:32:42.256-08:00Debating a Mostly Ridiculous Hypothetical: Apollo Creed's Legacy<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
My buddy Shawn*:
“Have I talked to you about the idea the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_Creed" target="_blank">Apollo Creed</a> was probably the best
boxer of all time? And would you watch a prequel about him?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
No you have
not, and yes I would.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Creed was <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dhd5SWS8u4Y" target="_blank">33</a>
when he fought against Rocky Balboa in 1976. The 6’2” undefeated, undisputed
heavyweight champion had been in 46 professional bouts, winning each by knockout.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
These are
incredible numbers, of course. Creed was a masterful fighter, an incredible
showman, and an accomplished businessman. He had few weaknesses and many
strengths. Clearly he was a once-in-a-generation fighter. But he wasn’t
<a href="http://www.taylorswift.com/" target="_blank">perfect</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
He must have
been a prodigy and accomplished amateur. Let’s assume he fought in the 1960
Olympics in Rome (Aug. 25-Sep. 11), just days after turning 17. He lost** and
began fighting as a professional later that year. He then averaged three
fights/wins/KO’s per year for the next 15 years. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
He had
millions of fans and was probably the most famous athlete in the world. He was
cocky, outspoken and wealthy. But he was humble, he never dodged a fight, he knew
where he came from and gave young fighters a chance. He had a great career and was
a great man; but was he the greatest?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<o:p>___ </o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Part of
determining if he was the greatest boxer of all-time is deciding which boxers
don’t exist*** in the Rockiverse. Obviously, Ali**** (That [sort of] rhymes). Based on
his performance against Balboa, when the Dancing Destroyer should have been in
the prime of his career, he would have had no chance against Frazier OR
Foreman.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Frazier was
relentless. The only thing that could keep him at bay was length and Creed had
none of that. The King of Sting had power, but Frazier had granite chin. No
contest. Frazier by knockout, so Frazier never existed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
If there’s
one thing we know about Creed, it’s that he can’t handle southpaws. If there
are two things, the second is that when he gets hit in the mouth, his game plan
goes out the window, he flips into survival mode, he drops his hands, and
he throws punches like a hummingbird. “Master of Disaster” was not a nickname
he earned. If Foreman landed one shot, he would land his next 10. Then Creed
would <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NTUmrOfyUA" target="_blank">drop dead</a>. Foreman did not exist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Leaving all other fighters and their records untouched, and pretending those three fought in a parallel universe, we can begin to make comparisons.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
His record
ranks near the top, with his KO totals pushing him into elite company. But how
would he really be remembered? What is his legacy? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
___</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://content9.flixster.com/question/55/00/02/5500027_std.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://content9.flixster.com/question/55/00/02/5500027_std.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
When Joe
Frazier died a few months ago, 4,000 people went to his funeral. When Creed died,
there were only a few dozen in attendance. In less than a decade since his
first defeat, his legend and legions had disappeared. If he was truly such a
great fighter, as his record seemed to show, why was he forgotten so quickly?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In Rocky
III, Creed brings the Stallion to train at the Tough Gym in LA. Though Apollo
is welcomed, he is mostly ignored by his African-American peers. They respect
him, but they keep him at a distance. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I’ll go a
step further: Creed was disliked by the African-American community and
treasured by white America. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In the first
Rocky film, Creed is clearly a national figure. He is cheered everywhere he
goes, welcomed to appear on TV whenever he pleases and sets the boxing
schedule. But is this just white America? His manager is white. The fight
promoters are all white. Most of the crowd is white. When he’s given a chance
to pick his underdog, unknown opponent, he chooses “the Italian Stallion”
instead of using the opportunity to promote a new black fighter. Before the
first fight, he dresses as George Washington instead of Abraham Lincoln or a
historically prominent African-American.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
During Rocky’s
training, he is cheered and showered with praise. Chants of “you can do it,
Rock” rain down upon him from all races. The African Americans in his
neighborhood <i>wanted</i> a white guy to
beat Creed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Ali is
regarded as the finest boxer of all time because he was a phenomenal fighter,
and because he had such a complete and diverse fan base. He appealed to
everyone, and everyone loved him. Creed does not have this appeal. White
America loved him, until he lost, and black America tolerated him. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Surely he’d
had an impressive rise to the top, but who did he step on to get there? In an
era just after the civil rights movement, why were all of his handlers white? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
He had a
great career, but he was far from <a href="http://www.rockymarciano.net/" target="_blank">the best</a>. And I would totally pay to find out
why not.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<o:p>-gw</o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Henceforth
known as MBS.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">**Probably
before the medal round, as his amateur accomplishments are never mentioned as
part of his resume.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">***For
comparison sake, their careers exist, but the concept of fighting Creed was <a href="http://www.maniacworld.com/impossible-picture.html" target="_blank">unimaginable</a>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">****This
would have been a solid fight, but I think Ali would get the win. He has a
significant reach advantage, even if he was only an inch taller. The fighters
were similarly quick, and Creed must have had fairly good power if he was able
to knock out 46 professional fighters, so we’ll call that a push as well. Ali
was known for his ability to win the fight before he entered the ring, but
Creed was an impressive showman himself, so to me there’s no clear advantage
there either. The difference would be Ali’s defensive skills. Creed managed to
avoid some of Balboa’s wild haymakers, but struggled for much of the fight,
particularly when he began to tire. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14m_-kALStA" target="_blank">Young Ali</a> was untouchable, and Old Ali had
a knack for wearing his opponents down without absorbing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGe6GP4lALU" target="_blank">catastrophic damage</a>.
The fight wouldn’t end quickly, but it would end with Ali on top.</span></div>-gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8219557479711837237.post-30513322729488213972012-02-21T14:06:00.000-08:002012-02-21T14:17:28.857-08:00Behold the only thing greater than yourselfReasons I didn’t start a blog until now: (1) chaotic insecurities (2) paranoid delusions of my eternally legacy being tarnished (3) arrested imaginative development (4) inability to come up with a clever name.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I started
this blog today. Thus far I have managed to overcome one* of these limitations.
This was no small task**, requiring months of brainstorming, talking to friends,
experimenting and doing nothing for weeks at a time.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
In order to
help me determine an acceptable blog title, I (arbitrarily) decided on certain criteria
I needed to reach:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Memorable</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Search
Engine Optimization</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Optimistic</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Available Twitter
handle (Not anymore! It’s unclear if I’ll use it, but @grantwritesgood now
belongs to me.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Relatively
unoccupied acronym (GWG***)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Vague</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Clever</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Attract
confused people looking learn how to write a grant proposal</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
____</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Having a
generally optimistic premise was particularly important. Although I’ll likely
expand on this point in a later post, I’m really bothered by the overall
negativity of the internet, the current state of comedy and American society as
a whole. It seems like people can’t tell jokes anymore unless they involve
tearing someone or something else down. I blame <a href="http://www.vh1.com/shows/i_love_the_80s/series.jhtml" target="_blank">VH1</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
More
importantly, I find it much easier and enjoyable to write if the topic
something that makes me <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTnfwNcXSRc" target="_blank">happy</a>. There is a great deal of work involved in formulating
and voicing a clear opinion, and then putting that opinion in words. I’d much
rather spend that time and energy being happy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
____</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The title
went through many incarnations over the last few months. Some of my favorite
ideas were already taken (I would mention them, but I’m not giving anyone else
the satisfaction) and others just didn’t seem like a good fit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I had a
couple get all the way to the creation process before abandoning them. I
believe I started three other Twitter accounts, two other blogs (with zero
posts) and wrote a handful of ledes to stories that I never finished.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
I didn’t start
to get to this point until my friend**** switched <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/tttbelll" target="_blank">her</a> <a href="http://alilexpression.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">“very popular” blog</a> from
wordpress to blogspot and got me thinking more about what I wanted to do with my
own.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Not long
after, my friend Betty and I started texting after a prolonged communiqué
holiday (that rhymes). She suggested without provocation that I start a blog.
Together we brainstormed names (read: threw [ideas] against the wall). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
For me,
being <i>witty</i> usually involves <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau" target="_blank">portmanteaus</a>.
Thus, I began pitching a series of letter piles such “gramazin,” “gramusement,”
and “grantificating.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Betty
(swiftly and correctly) decided these sounded like blogs for septuagenarians who
knit sweaters, watch Lawrence Welk and complain about the declining quality of
appliances manufactured after 1964. I haven’t given up on portmanteaus, but for
my blog title, they were out. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
Next I tried
thinking of alliterative words to combine with “Grant.” These ideas mostly had
negative (grumbles, gruntles), arrogant (grand, great), or oddly rhythmic
(groove, grace) connotations.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
GrantWritesGood
was suggested by Betty, who quickly added, “People might think it’s about
<a href="https://www.google.com/search?sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=grant+writes+good" target="_blank">writing grants</a>, so maybe smart people will stumble upon your blog. Win!”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
The entire
conversation took less time than when she tried to explain to me how to use Spotify*****.
So hopefully I will have at least two
readers, with that added bonus that they’re both smokin’ hot AND have lots of
friends. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
-gw</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Possibly
0.5, as I’m not entirely sure the name can universally be considered “clever”.
It is (hopefully) at least clever to a small but devoted group of people. I
like to call these people gravotees******</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">**See issues
1-3</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">***Others
include: game-winning goal; girls with guns; Ghent PDF workgroup; Great Western
Minerals Group, Global Warranty Group, <a href="http://twitter.com/gwg" target="_blank">some guy</a> who likes politics and the
Cubs, and the <a href="http://www.gwg.nga.mil/" target="_blank">Geospatial Intelligence Standards Working Group</a>*******</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">****For
future reference, any time I use the word “friend” I’m referring to a girl. Any
time I use the word “buddy,” I’ll be talking about a guy. I would like this to
become the accepted terminology for everyone.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*****I still
have not figured it out. Someday, though, with determination and a lot of help,
I believe I will. I have that much confidence in my abilities. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">******Subject
to change</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*******I’m
bewildered about the inclusion “Intelligence” in the name but not the acronym.</span></div>-gwhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08616324401053025063noreply@blogger.com0